Impostor Syndrome Hits Hard

Welcome to My Journey

I've never felt impostor syndrome as strongly as I did when setting up this website. Being a published author has been a dream of mine since the third grade, and I crave to see my words bound together in a physical form with my name printed confidently down the spine. But, as the domain name page stared back at me today, I was overcome with doubt.

My doubt and fear had nothing to do with my writing ability or the plots and tales swimming in my head. The tears in my eyes had everything to do with what others will think of me if I don't succeed. It was about the opinions and behind-my-back words of people who know me and my real life.

But, here's what I decided: Those people would never even be brave enough to try in the first place.

How It Started

In third grade, I started writing my first book. It was during one of the indoor recesses of our Kansas winter and featured all my friends. At the time, we only had two boys in our class who did everything in their power to drive us crazy. The story was called "When Boys Attack," and because of my wonderful mother, I still have the handwritten copy.

A few years later, I started another story during an indoor recess. I truly have no idea why, but it was a murder mystery about a group of sisters traveling across the state. It was horrible, and I haven't written anything in that genre since.

In seventh grade, I was introduced to the world of Wattpad (not the wild side, just regular stories and publishing opportunities). This led me to publishing chapters of two different stories. The first is called "Less Than Perfection" about two best friends whose single parents get married and move them from Kansas to California. The second is called "Gifted" and is about a high schooler who finds out she is a mermaid. I worked hard on "Gifted" and considered all the plot elements and character development opportunities. Chapter by chapter, I posted it on Wattpad until life got too crazy for me to make time for it. Years later, as I sat around with my cousins and their half-sister the night before one of their weddings, their thirteen-year-old sister starts raving about this story she is reading on Wattpad. She was using my cousin's iPod touch from our middle school years (maybe you know where this is going) and the Wattpad app was already logged in and opened to a story. As she is describing the book, it sounds crazy familiar. Then she says, "But the writer hasn't updated it in like six years." Long story short, it was my book that she was in love with. (She still asks me if I've written anymore every time she sees me).

In high school, I took every writing assignment as an opportunity to come up with a creative short story (my favorite being the backstory I wrote for the old couple in the bed from the Titanic movie). This time period is when I learned that my writing could make people feel certain emotions. Between my grandma and the para that helped out in my English class, entire boxes of tissues were used over my stories. The struggle with all the writing I did in high school was that I had so many ideas in my head that I would get halfway through writing a first draft and switch to writing something new. I look forward to the day when I can return to those ideas and give them the attention they deserve.

Getting Serious

The summer after my high school graduation, I got serious. I sat down and wrote every day on the same idea. I worked and worked and worked to push through a first draft. Finally, right before Christmas break in my freshman year of college, I DID IT! I had a completed first draft of a novel and was so proud of myself. By the time I finished it, though, I realized it needed a lot of work, and I was so overwhelmed that I shelfed it.

Near the end of my freshman year, I buckled down again. But, by the end of the summer, my muse broke my heart. I was lost because suddenly this great love story I was composing felt like a lie. So, I shelfed it. I tried going back to it time and time again, but it wasn't until after I was married and settling down that I was able to reflect on the beginning with a clear enough head to find the ending. I used all the skills I gained in college to revise and edit the manuscript on my own and currently have it out with beta readers. The goal is to start querying agents by August.

Where I Am Now

Now, I am writing a first draft of a new book while I await feedback from my beta readers on my first book. Knowing little to nothing about the world of publishing, I have only one confidence: I need to find my readers.

So, Hi. I'm Tristan Rhea, and I write YA and college-age romances. My characters are as flawed as regular humans--partying, texting, traveling, and living. My settings are college dorms, house parties, clubs, and foreign countries. And, my plots are driven by friendships, family, forgiveness, and love.

If any of those things sound like your vibe, let's connect! You can find me on instagram or tiktok using the links above, and join my mailing list so you never miss out on an update.

Here's to chasing dreams!